The Bad Kind of Fun

I'm not very good at playing games, which is sort of a shocker since that's pretty much all I do.

Sure, sometimes I'll stuff my face, change diapers (I'm just gonna let the question hang in the air) or drink way too much coffee, but other than that, there's not a lot going on that doesn't involve a computer and stuff I click on. And yet, I often find myself cranking the difficulty setting down all the way to "are you kidding me?" before I reach my comfort zone.

It's not that I'm stupid, because I'm not. I mean, I do stupid stuff all the time, but I don't think I am stupid. There are plenty of people whom I consider to be a lot dumber than me, who are able to out-game me at every turn. I can figure shit out. I can add numbers together and get other numbers back in return. I can follow along with even the most convoluted movie plots. But I can't for the life of me apply a decent strategy in any of the several strategy games I enjoy playing. So what the hell is going on then?

Well, there are several things going on I suppose, but they all lead to a happy place where I can frolic with unicorns at my leisure: a place where I'm able to have fun, despite being really, really bad at something. Sounds great, doesn't it? Don't worry, just take my hand and I'll lead you there.

How to enjoy Gaming, even though you're really bad at it:

1. Accept that you're bad
   One of the largest hurdles you'll face trying to have fun while being bad, is denial. Your natural instinct is to keep insisting that you're not that bad, but it's likely that you are, indeed, that bad. You'll never be able to enjoy yourself as long as you hide from that fact. You need to stand up, clear your throat, and loudly declare to the world: "My name is <insert name>, and I'm really, really bad at gaming! Seriously you guys, I'm just awful."
2. Overcome the shame
   Another common instinct while facing crippling suckiness, is to feel shame. That's nonsense. There is no reason to be ashamed, you're just not very good at this one specific, sort of pointless skill. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and as long as the lives and well-being of others aren't dependant on our skill sets, it's perfectly fine to keep doing things that clearly fall under the 'weakness' category. If, on the other hand, you're a firefighter and you're just terrible at your job, then for the love of God, please stop!
3. Don't be competitive
   This is probably the part where I'm going to lose most of you, but being competitive is simply not compatible with the concept of having a good time while being bad at something. If you're very competitive by nature, and you still want to have fun playing a game you're clearly bad at, then you have but two choices: Get better or change the very core of your being.
   
   However, if you are able to not be competitive, you'll find that a lot of games are just as much about the journey as they are about the l33t. You don't have to be good at Skyrim in order to enjoy it. Just lower the difficulty setting until you stop dying, and then you'll be free to enjoy that massive world of stealing random pottery and taking arrows to the knees. Even games that are specifically designed to be competitive can be a lot of fun to a bad gamer with the right attitude. There's often a beauty to the craftsmanship and intricate balance of such games, and it's perfectly possible to enjoy that beauty even if you keep losing every match. Also, not being too competitive comes with it's own rewards. While there are plenty of nice competitive people out there, let's face it: if we were to make a comprehensive list of the most cited reasons for acting like an asshole, "I'm just a competitive person I guess" would be at the very top, just below "He started it!"
4. Learn the difference between 'being bad' and 'not enjoying'
   This one can be a bit tricky, but it's important to distinguish between games that are enjoyable even though you're bad at them, and games that you're bad at because you simply don't enjoy them. Sometimes, after employing the tricks listed above, you'll find that you still don't have a good time being terrible at a particular game. When that happens, it's time to accept that you simply don't enjoy the game and walk away. There's no use in repeatedly banging your head against a boring wall. Save that for the interesting walls.
5. Isolate yourself
   Does the game you're bad at have a chat function? Turn that shit off! Look, if you've made it this far, then I think we've established that you're just not very good at whatever game it is you're playing, and gamers being gamers, there is simply no chance in hell that anything nice will be heading your way via that chat screen. Unless you have an urge to find out new and interesting facts about your proposed sexual orientation or racial heritage, you need to turn the chat function off and never look back. This goes double if you have a vagina. If you're playing online with some friends (who weren't raised in a barn), then by all means, keep the team chat up and running, but disable everything else with a speaker icon.

And there you have it. As long as you follow these simple guidelines, you'll be able to reach new heights of not giving a damn, and you'll open up a whole new dimension to games you've avoided out of shame or fear. Always secretly enjoyed Starcraft II, but couldn't get out of the bronze league? Wanted to try out Hearts of Iron, but were too intimidated by the difficulty curve? Honey badger don't care, honey badger don't give a shit.

How about you? Are you a bad gamer, or just bad at games? Or do you have skills that would take my breath away? Let me know in the comments. Until then, this is Johnny Panzer, signing out.